u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
