first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize