My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
