fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
