Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
