Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
