So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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