I only kidnapped one of them. chill
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
