we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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