She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
