I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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