I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
