If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
