he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
