so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
