Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
