my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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