Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
