Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
