I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How's work?
Spinning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
