theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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