She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
