Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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