After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
