I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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