loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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