i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
