new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
