Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
