Only a mothe r could love this liver
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
