Well apparently he's into motor boating.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
