Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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