really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
