dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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