I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
birth control should be required to get into college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
