I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
