My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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