I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
