There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
