My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
