He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
