Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
