So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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