who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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