you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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