Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
