I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
