I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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