you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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