She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
