3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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