You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
